FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Welcome to my FAQ page, boasting a word count that could surely rival Tolstoy's War and Peace!
(I've told myself a million times not to exaggerate).
Q. Are you vaccinated against Covid-19?
Yes, and I've even cleaned all the biscuit crumbs off my keyboard as evidenced below. Pulling out all the stops for you fullas.
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Q. Do you offer natural services? Eg no condom?
No - I abide by the Prostitution Reform Act 2003 and only provide safe and legal services.
Q. Do you have a phone number?
I sure do
Q. Do you receive anal, rimming etc?
Nope. No backdoor shenanigans on me :)
Q. How long have you been an escort for?
Off and on since 2013. Mate, I've been cocked more times than John Wayne's Winchester.
I started at Paradise Club (an agency in Wellington) in 2013 and was there on a part time basis for just under a year. After that I took a few years off to pursue other passions, save for a few stints at various brothels.
Here's a few pics of me from the olden days.
Q. What do you wear to bookings?
A red vinyl mini skirt and a 90's style ringer tee with "Happy Hooker" plastered on the front. No bra, obviously - and boy oh boy, that Wellington chill really makes the ol' nipples stand to attention! You can find me in this getup, sitting in your hotel lobby. Obviously I'll have portable speakers with me, blasting out "Roxanne" by The Police on repeat. I jest, I jest.....I'm outcall only, and as discretion is important to me I wear smart casual business wear, typically this is a pair of dress pants/smart jeans, top, and a coat. During the summer months my go-to outfit is a pair of cigarette pants or jeans, nice top and a faux leather jacket or lightweight blazer. If you would prefer me to come in trackpants or baggy cargos (you can take the girl out of the Manawatu but you can't take the Manawatu out of the girl!) then all you have to do is ask!
Q. Do you offer outfit requests / costume / uniform requests eg schoolgirl outfit, nurse etc.
I don't really like outfit requests. I prefer to choose my own outfits because I know what looks best on me. If it's something in the gallery - for sure, if I still have it - but please don't ask me to wear something you don't see me normally wear. It mightn't suit me, and if I don't feel sexy/confident it'll lessen the experience for both of us. For all the joking around about outfits here on the FAQ page, I do actually take presentation as seriously as I possibly can, and although there's little I can do about the dastardly combo of fine hair + Wellington wind, I do everything I can to not appear slovenly or unkempt. Despite the wind testing me at every turn!
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Q. Re sexual activities. What are your boundaries?
Anal, butthole touching, spreading apart of butt cheeks, biting, scratching, pinching, hair pulling, licking inside ears
Q. Do you give discounts?
I feel my rates are reasonable enough already, especially for sessions 90 mins or over. I have a preference for longer sessions which is why I've priced them the way I have.
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Q. Will you ever text me out of the blue?
Unsolicited contact isn't my jam, and as an escort discretion is obviously paramount - so no, no texts, no emails, no bullshit.
Q. Would you enjoy a drink with me in a booking?
If you're having one, I would love to join you. As I have my transport sorted, there is no risk of drink driving etc. So....bottoms up!
Q. Can I make a request for you to turn up to our booking in track pants, leggings or cargo's?
TAKE ME HERE AND NOW, SIR!!!!!!1111111111!!!!! My saviour! My saviour! (cue hyperventilation)
Alternative answer: Yes
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Q. Can I give you a gift as a token of my appreciation?
Gifting isn't necessary at all. But, if you insist, a tip would be insane and, as a small business owner in a cost-of-living-crisis, sure to bring a tear to the eye. Or perhaps a cheeky Patagonia e gift card (the link is on the main page of this site). I'm a big fan of Patagonia and this brand makes up the bulk of my off-duty wardrobe.
Q. What happens if we see each other in the street?
I'd never approach you first - discretion and privacy is assured.
Q. What do you do with condoms after a booking?
Just the usual I guess - being that I take the condom away, rinse it out, and hang it on the line to dry, ready to use again on the next lucky man. If the need for the condom is time critical, I'll probably whip out the hair dryer to expedite the drying process.
Jokes, bruh. I put them in tissue and chuck them in your bin. Yes I'm outcall only, but I still clean up after myself in each and every booking, I'm not going to leave condoms strewn all over your floor. Some people have asked that I take the used condom/s with me as they don't want them in their house / hotel bin, and that's fine - I just wrap 'em in tissue and take them with me, to chuck in my own bin.
(Edit Dec 2025: Sadly some have taken the first paragraph seriously...)
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Q. Do you like it rough?
As a GFE provider who doesn't offer a Porn Star Experience, not really, UNLESS I'm on top, in which case I will assume the role of horny maniac extraordinaire, and ride you into oblivion! Love the control! I'm in my element when I'm on top and controlling the pace. A very intense + energetic experience for all parties involved.
Q. Do you see clients with disabilities? How do you treat them?
I prefer to use the term "differently abled", and yes I have experience with clients who are differently abled. When approaching me for a session please let me know more information, so I can get an idea of what your body is capable of enjoying.
If you are differently abled in an intellectual way all I ask is that you have an understanding of the nature of my work and what I provide.
I find that the majority of my differently abled clients don't need special treatment and don't want to be viewed any differently to other clients bar consideration for their individual needs. But, I would employ that same consideration with anyone else as a normal part of my job (eg, a client who was especially shy, anxious, overweight etc etc).
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Q. Are you LBGTQ friendly?
I'm friendly and welcoming of anyone regardless of their orientation
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Q. Most embarrassing escorting experiences?
Plenty! Here are a few of the tamer ones. (Because the truly cringeworthy stories are best told in person)
1) A lunch date at the Wellington library cafe, where the client was really loudly and enthusiastically boasting about the size of his daughters breasts. I shit you not. Being a busy lunchtime the place was packed and people could absolutely hear him...people were staring...looks of disapproval abound...I was cringing so hard that I felt like collapsing into myself and turning into a black hole.
2) Another lunch date (are they cursed?) at a tightly packed cafe/restaurant in Wellington, where the client loudly broadcasted my profession, and kept referring to it over the duration of the meal. People next to us heard for sure - we were packed in like sardines. The waiter (who kept coming over to fuck around with cutlery, water etc) also heard. My face was redder than the CCP.
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3) An outcall at a hotel...went directly to the hotel from my house with no stops. I had taken the payment and reached into my bag to get my condom pouch, whilst maintaining eye contact and chatting with the client. Trying to be classy and all that jazz. I reach for the condom pouch and felt something cold and slimy on my hand. Dammit, the lube had leaked, I thought. My hand still in the bag, I had a look and what did I see? A slimy brown slug! Wtf? I lived in a typical unhealthy Wellington rental at the time, but slugs were never a problem in the house....so how had one got into my hooker handbag? For slugs' sake! Whilst still chatting and maintaining eye contact with the client (and my hand still in the bag) I managed to wrap the slug in a supermarket docket, then when I took my shower I brought my bag into the bathroom with me, and dumped the slimy offender (and potential cockblocker, if the client had seen!) in the bin. A sluggin' sureal experience, without a doubt.
4) My first dinner date. The client was telling me about his visit to Jim Morrison's grave in Paris and I was listening intently, so intently in fact that I hadn't noticed that the end of my ponytail was swimming in a pool of beef au jus....
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Q. Do you see older clients?
I am happy to - all ages (18+) are welcome.
Q. What age range are your clients?
A. The majority seem to be in the 35 - 55 age range. Anyone 18+ or over is welcome though.
Q. Have you ever done a couples booking?
YES! And I love doing them, as reflected in my couples rates structure. Check my testimonials page for reviews from some of the lovely couples I've seen.
Q. Does the GFE start when a booking is confirmed?
The GFE starts when I knock on your door. Bookings shouldn't take more than a handful of emails to organise.
Q. Can I pay you in drugs?
Lol, considering I don't even do drugs and never have (apart from weed a handful of times)...the answer is no. The only form of payment I take is New Zealand dollars in cash, payable upon commencement of booking
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Q. Ever had a lady book you?
Yes
Q. Would you do a MMF?
If I'd met at least one of the two males previously, then yeah, sure. I would do this for $700 for a 1 hour outcall.
Q. What happens if you cancel?
If I do need to cancel you will be given as much notice as possible as well as a discount off your next booking.
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Q. What's your take on street workers?
I don't really have a "take" on them? They're just...sex workers who work on the street?
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Q. Do you talk a lot when you're nervous?
The opposite. I talk a lot when I'm feeling relaxed and at ease
Q. Can we meet at the bar for a drink first?
A. We can if you want to, as long as you're aware that my time starts the moment we meet.
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Q. Do you see virgins?
Yes, I have seen several virgins - if you are new to sex please let me know prior, so I don't make things awkward by making assumptions etc.
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Q. Have you ever done an international fly me to you?
I have done fly me to you's but as of yet they've all been in New Zealand, and all with people I have met previously. Most FMTY are 24 hours but in November 2020 I had one for 48 hours. I've done FMTY's to Auckland, Hamilton, Rotorua, Tauranga/The Mount...that's it actually, they're pretty rare!
Several years ago there was talk of a fly me to you to the bustling metropolis of Gore but the client's travel plans changed.
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Q. Easiest way to make you orgasm?
Oral on me...all about that clit! Licking is the way to go. In other words, if you're a purveyor of pussy/connoiseur of c*nt, you'd do well to book a session with me. Occasionally I also come during penetrative sex - but only when I'm on top, grinding down on your rock hard rod!! Oohhhhhh
Q. How about fingering?
Not a fan. If you're after an orgasm and genuine pleasure, I find that the tongue works best on me. Everyone is built differently, and for me, fingering can often be painful as well as potentially leading to thrush or BV, which means no income.
Q. Do you shower before a booking?
Absolutely, I will arrive at your outcall location showered, and I have a quick freshen up once I've arrived too. If you've booked the Shower Fun add-on, we can get clean together!
Q. How do I pay you?
At the very start of the booking we'll "get the paperwork out of the way" and then get down to the GOOD TIMES!
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Q. Do you count the money once it's been given to you? Sorry but that puts me off.
I count the money because the one time I didn't, I was shorted $100 (by a then regular client)
Another time, when counting, I noticed a client had given me $50 extra. When making him aware of this he admitted he had purposely done this as a "test" to "see if I was honest", and then he took the extra $50 back...
​All these years later, I'm still butthurt over that one. Sadface.gif
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Q. Why email only initially?
Less than a year into escorting independently I went email only as the sole method of communication for first time clients. One of the best decisions I've ever made - being email only has cut down the amount of bullshit enquiries drastically. I don't miss having my phone number plastered online, and I don't miss waking up to a slew of missed calls, and texts sent in the middle of the night ("U up?").
Returning clients have my number though, and they simply flick me a text or WhatsApp to organise the next booking.
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Q. Can you send me some pics that aren't in your gallery?
Can you send me some money that isn't in my bank account?
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Q. What does a typical Gemma Rose booking look like?
Chat, drinks (optional), laughs, and fun in the bedroom. Companionship as well as intimacy in equal measure.
Q. Do you do car bookings?
No
Q. What don't you look for when selecting a client?
Race, weight, age (18+), appearance, marital status etc are of no consequence to me.
Q. Do you prefer incalls or outcalls?
Outcalls. During my time as an independent escort I've more or less always been outcall only, barring a few brief spells of offering incalls too. We're talking a few months in 2017 and 2018, and again for a few months in 2021.
Q. Most unusual places you've had a booking?
I've only done bookings in houses and hotels. However I've had some odd requests in my time though - cars, behind a bush at a park, in a treehouse that wasn't even on the enquirers' property (!!!!!), in an office, in a vacated commercial building. There was talk of a booking on a moored boat, but it never eventuated
Q. It's fun to play at the Y-M-C-A
I don't doubt it for a single millisecond...however for my own comfort I do not provide outcalls to youth hostels / backpackers / dormitory style set-ups. Thanks for your understanding!
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Edit August 2023: Are YMCA's still even a thing?
Q. Can I smoke during our sessions?
If it's an outcall at your house, then sure man, whatever. I'll not be offended. You'll wash your hands afterwards, yeah? I will hover in your direction, and more or less go into a trance over the delightful aroma emanating from your cigarette. I'm not joking - I love the smell. I haven't smoked since 2019. In 2020 I had a booking with a fulla here on holiday, (before the first lockdown) he lit up when I was about to leave and I bummed a smoke off him. I put it behind my ear (surely no-one is surprised by this), and when I got back to the car it was gone, fallen off somewhere.
Q. Do you smoke?
No. I smoked 1 pack of taylies a day for years, then went on rollies where I'd try to make a 30g pouch last the week. Park Drive 30g menthol. For financial reasons I took up vaping in November 2017. I tried to quit vaping in late 2023 but one day into it one of my cats passed away and I really, really needed the nicotine. I have however managed to go from vaping 50mg nic salts to 6mg freebase.
Q. Are you a stoner?
Actually, no, I'm not! The last time I had weed would have been in 2019, as a client had a weed vape. My first time was actually at a temp job when I was 19. I'm a loner - always went off by myself during lunch breaks, have done in every job. (Yes I'd get pulled up for it in some workplaces, but that's by the by). Anyway, lunch break was coming to an end so I was making my way back to the office and I noticed a bunch of girls in my team sitting in a car in the office carpark. I went over to the car to see what they were doing - it fucking reeked! I was invited into the car for a few cheeky tokes, and went on to spend the afternoon working at my computer, stoned out of my skull. It was a data entry job so you could listen to music on your iPod if you wanted. I sat there at the computer, stuffing my face with the most delicious tasting M&M's I'd ever had, listening to the likes of Status Quo's "Pictures of Matchstick Men", "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" by Iron Butterfly, and "Echoes" by Pink Floyd.
Another time I got stoned at home with the entire Doors' discography playing in the background. I scribbled down some "highdeas" on paper regarding the meaning of life, then proceeded to stick my head down a gap in the sofa, where it remained for what seemed like an eternity. I guess weed effects people differently...
Note: When it comes to bookings, I am 420 friendly.
Q. Can we drink alcohol together?
You know it my dude! Vodka, whiskey, Scotch whisky, gin...the possibilities are endless! This hussy ain't fussy! (I'm from Palmerston North.)
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Q. I want to book you for a Couples session as a surprise for my wife. That okay?
No - it's absolutely imperative that your wife is aware of the proposed booking and consents to it. Likewise if you are a wife and wanting to surprise your husband. All parties need to be aware and consenting.
Q. How do you avoid timewasters? Also, are you picky with clients?
Because my website is (usually) my only form of advertising, I don't often deal with as many time wasters as I would if I had my number online and used paid advertising platforms. The majority of my business comes from people I've seen previously. That said, I will always welcome new clients.
When it comes to new clients: I only reply to polite and respectful inquiries that give me the information I ask for (see "Make A Booking" area on the front page of this site)
Race, weight, appearance, age (18+) are of no consequence to me.
All I ask for is a polite introduction along with the initial details I need from you: duration, your preferred time, general outcall location. Polite and informative communication goes a long way in creating a fantastic first impression - it's also guaranteed a reply. Messages that do not meet these ultra basic expectations will be ignored.
I tend to tune out pretty quickly if I feel like getting basic information from you (name, location etc) is comparable to drawing blood from a stone; it shouldn't take several back and forth emails to get the information that I need from you and would much rather engage with someone who can communicate effectively from the very start. Bookings should only take a few emails to organise.
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Q. Do I need to give you my specific address in my first communication to you?
No, but I will need your general location (suburb/hotel/motel name) in that first email. Then when I get back to you and we're about to confirm, I'll ask for your address. If it's at a hotel/motel I can easily find the address online.
Q. Do I need to give you my real name?
I appreciate that this policy varies between escorts - but my personal stance is no, not if you don't want to. But you do need to give me a name.
Q. I know you don't offer anal on you but would you consider it, just for me?
No. No backdoor shenanigans on me. There are some workers who offer this, usually at an extra charge. Good luck with your search!
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Q. Can I take photos/videos of you/us in a session?
No
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Q. Which durations are the most popular?
90 min was the most popular from 2017 through to 2023. In 2024 it was 2 hours, 2025 was 2 hours and 2.5 hours.
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Q. Which durations are the least popular?
Well it was 60 mins when I offered that - 0 in 2025, 0 in 2024, 1 in 2023, and prior to that my last 60 min was in 2018. So I got rid of it. Now, I guess maybe the 3 hour GFE which is booked occasionally but not often, and the 3 hour couples.
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Q. I can't afford you...what are my options?
There are escorts all over the show - you could shop around to find someone at a rate that suits your budget, or perhaps you could put some money aside each payday and save up? I have many clients who save up to see me and I really appreciate it.
Q. Do you shave your body hair?
Yes
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Q. I am a man of colour...is this a problem? Yes or no.
No, of course not
Q. Would you be happy to vouch for me if another escort required it?
Yes, I can be a reference for you if I have seen you in the past 6 months. Just let me know prior, and give the escort my email address (not my phone number) and have them contact me.
Q. I'd feel more comfortable if I left my t-shirt on during any physical interaction. Is that okay?
Of course
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Q. Do you sell content (custom clips etc)
No.
I fully appreciate the merits of diversification - the more side hustles the better - but content creation in a sex work context just isn't something I can get excited over - I don't have the talent or the motivation to hustle online for minimal pay, and privacy is a huge concern. My heart wouldn't be in it, and this would translate on camera for sure.
Don't misconstrue this - I'm not shitting on content creators in any way. I'm just being honest in saying that for me personally, creating videos/camming isn't of any interest to me, and it's something I wouldn't authentically enjoy.
When it comes to Gemma Rose: Independent Escort, doorknocking for D and face to face interaction is where it's at :)
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I have definitely "appeared on cam for money" in the past, but not as a SW. Many moons ago I was a content creator on YouTube (NOT vlogging!!) and partnered with Adsense to make money.
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I had two channels, one had just over 50k subbies and the other just shy of 1k. Anyway, I'd start each video with an unskippable ad, then have a few cheeky banner ads throughout the duration. I was on YouTube from 2013 through to 2015, and ultimately during the final year I was averaging $1k-1.5k per month on Adsense. The categories I covered were all super niche so I'll say no more....
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Q. When will you come to (insert town/city here)
Fly Me To You bookings are available for clients I've already met. Just email / text me and we can sort something out.
Q. Hi Emma, how do I book?
Hiya. Simply go to the Bookings page and follow the instructions. Cheers, Gemma
Q. I know you prefer some notice but can I see you right now?
No. I don't even live in the city, I need notice.
Q. Would you cancel on a new client if a regular wanted to book at the same time.
Nah, it's first come first served - if a new client booked for a certain time, and it's confirmed, then the time is theirs.​ However, I can definitely try and make something work for a regular if they're open to another time. This has happened a few times in the past and in some cases I've worked outside of my advertised hours to accommodate them.
Q. What is your kink?
Door knocking for D
Q. I prefer an all inclusive GFE, so what's with the optional extras?
Apart from Shower Fun (which is certainly intimate) I feel that the rest of my optional extras don't fall into the GFE category.​ Golden showers and anal play deviate from my standard service so they incur an additional fee.
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Q. Why do you like longer bookings?
Because I like to relax and take my time - I enjoy the emotional element of a date as much as the physical. Having a chat, having a laugh at the beginning relaxes us both and gives us the chance to build a connection (or if we've met before, a chance to catch up on each others' news).
This absolutely enhances our bedroom time.
Q. Do you give yourself days off?
Well, I have a limit of 1 client a day, so no not really, although I do take breaks every few months
Q. Do you have PIV sex in your Shower Fun extra
Nope, just lathering each other up, hand jobs, kissing etc. No shower sex.
Q. Do you get your phone out in bookings?
No, that's rude. I only get it out if you ask for pictures of my old shitty tattoos, cover up before and afters, and dental procedure before and afters.
Q. Have you ever had your phone ring in a booking?
The Gemma Rose phone is permanently on silent + do not disturb, 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Just another phone call hating millennial here.
I have had clients whose phones have gone off in bookings, and when this happens I encourage them to take the call - could be their work, or a loved one etc. I remain silent during the call obviously, and if possible I might creep to the bathroom. Best to take the call to avoid suspicion I say. I won't be offended at all
Q. Your favourite position?
I'm in my element when I'm on top and in control, riding your dick into oblivion. I don't offer domme services but let's just say I'm not submissive, and we'll leave it at that.
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Q. Are you sporty?
Hmm. Well, I guess my legs are strong? Lol. I was utterly shite at all sports at school - apart from running, which would take everyone by surprise because it wasn't expected. 100m and 200m sprints were my specialty. I've always enjoyed long distance walking too, as a hobby, and in latter years have also taken up mountain biking.
Q. You seem to swear a lot on here...can I expect that in a booking too?
Not necessarily. There's no denying I have a foul mouth, but I try to "read the room"...if you start swearing first, then I'll take that as permission granted to start effing here and there as well.
However: the F-bomb may well be dropped upon orgasm (I always appreciate a good O!) and I apologise in advance. I really can't help it.
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Q. Ever turned up to a booking commando?
Nope, but I have left several bookings commando hahaha. (Some choose to buy the panties I'm wearing...I know about this in advance yet ALWAYS seem to forget to bring another pair to change into!)
Q. How do you obtain FAQ's?
In-person conversations, email conversations, and some I have made up myself.
I've purposely been straightforward and open with my opinions, personality, preferences etc. This transparency helps to ensure we're both on the same page, and it lessens the risk of misunderstandings and bullshit in general.
This FAQ page is a true representation of who I am, and it's intentionally so. I know that I'm not for everyone. This is a good thing.
If you make it through the FAQ's and you're still interested, then there's a 99.9% chance we'll have an amazing time together.
Q. Your social media links please
I'm not a fan of social media...at all. I have a Twitter that I used to be semi active on when I was hooking full time, the handle is @GemmaRoseNZ. I'm not much of an online personality. I'm much more present in person I assure you.
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Q. So are you saying you get zero time wasters via email?
I still get time wasters on email but nowhere near as many as I did when I had my number posted online
Q. Can you tell when someone hasn't read your ad / your website?
Yes! One example would be the guy who has been emailing me once every few months since July 2019, asking how much 2 hours would cost. This can easily be found on my ads as well as the services and rates page - he can't be fucked to read an ad / click a button so I can't be fucked replying *evil laughter*
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Most weeks I get at least one email from a new client wanting an incall, and/or a "I know you don't offer same day bookings but can I have a same day booking".
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Q. What do you think about providers offering a "menu"?
A contentious issue among providers to be sure.......
Although no two bookings are the same, I do like to include a list of suggested activities as part of my GFE, because I want to be clear about what I offer. I can't even remember the last time someone has asked / assumed I've done something that isn't in my list of activities. Everyone who I end up meeting in person already knows what I do and what I don't do - because they've taken the time to read my website.
Q. I have met you a few times, and although I still intend to see you from time to time, I also enjoy punting with other ladies. Is that okay?
Oh my gosh...you dirty cheat! I hate you, I hate you!
Just joshing with ya bro...of course it is! I don't own you! Go forth and enjoy the variety!
Storytime: I saw a man a total of two times (lol), and a few weeks later he contacted me to say he couldn't see me anymore as he had met with another provider who had asked him to be "exclusive" to her. Ooookay honey, you run your business the way you want to, but...LMAO.
Q. Most clients you've seen in a day?
7, working day shift at a brothel, just before Christmas in 2014. A little over $700 in hand after the brothel took their cut. Dark days, bro.
In September 2017 as Gemma I had a one off "incall day" at a hotel, where I worked from 2.30pm - midnight, saw 5 guys. That was okay. For some reason I thought that I had to stay at the hotel afterwards instead of going home, haha, and I had the worst sleep. Took the bus back home first thing in the morning.
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Q. How do we go about meeting in the hotel lobby? Do you promise to be discreet? What will happen?
Typically, I'll burst into the hotel lobby decked in sweat and my hair messed up due to the unforgiving Wellington southerly.
I'll then pause for a brief moment, before pounding my fists against my chest, huffing and puffing and chanting "Loud and proud, bitches! Palmy represent! Natural Double D tiddies!" over and over again.
Now that I've got everyone's attention I then announce to the world: "Hey, I'm Gemma - a rough diamond from Palmy originally, but here in Wellington to ride dick in hotels, motels, and private residences! You won't know of me as I barely advertise anywhere but nevertheless I'm a hoe by name and nature and tonight I'm here to fuck this fine ass fulla in (your room number here) Fuck yeah!"
All eyes are on me as I then jump over the reception desk, an offensive fart escaping me in the process. Should've laid off the Kellogg's All Bran...ahh well, never mind. I retrieve a red light out of my handbag and go about plugging it into the nearest power outlet. That way, when you come down out of the lift you'll see me under a red light - your own special, smelly Roxanne! You simply can't miss me!!
And now: your arrival! Suddenly tired, I ask you if we can just do the booking right there in the lobby instead of up in your room. You've a strange look on your face - almost as if you're scared - but before I can process your expression any further I notice a staff member has a telephone in his hand. Who is he gonna call? Ghostbusters? The police? Mental health? I don't want to find out - suddenly very self-aware, I high tail it out of there, turning my phone off as soon as I'm a safe distance away. I'll text you to cancel a few days after the fact. *shrugs* Sorry bro, life happens eh.
Python-esque situations aside now...the reality is that privacy and discretion is as important to me as it is to you!
I don't dress or act in a way that would draw attention, and I have never experienced any issues in reception.
Clothing-wise, for outcall bookings I wear exactly what I would wear in a vanilla job. I'm not a frumpy dresser, but nor am I a provocative one. Clothes are one of the few things I don't cheap out on - I like quality NZ made stuff that lasts a lifetime if taken care of properly. When I'm out in public on official Gemma Rose business, I wear long sleeves due to my right arm being heavily tattooed. I do this for your privacy as well as mine.
I can give you my word that your privacy and discretion is assured. I'm not ashamed of what I do, but I'm a private person and our rendezvous is no one else's business.
If you want to meet in the hotel lobby, just flick me a text when you're in the actual lobby and, as if by magic, I will appear right away. I'm usually loitering around a corner somewhere at least ten minutes before any booking starts, haha.
Usually I meet people outside the hotel, and we go through together. Or, we meet in the bar, where you will already be, and I walk through and join you. It's rare these days to find a hotel that isn't carded but if it's card free then I can go straight up to your room!
Please don't worry - discretion is something I take very seriously! I'm a professional and I act as such. We're all good.
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Q. What guarantees can you make in a booking?
Guarantees? Well nothing in life is guaranteed my esteemed dude (apart from death, taxes, another Elton John farewell tour and the return of Freddy Krueger) but I can guarantee you that:
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- What happens and what is said in the room...stays in the room
- I won't send you any unsolicited texts or emails post-booking. No neediness, no strings, no bullshit. If you text / email through a testimonial or a basic thank you then I will reply straight away, but otherwise you won't hear from me again until you contact me for another booking.
- I will do my best to make sure you have a good time
- We will have a safe + responsible time
- I'll make sure your comfort is a priority. When I'm on top (my favourite!!) I do tend to vary the tempo - slow and sensual, a good hard pounding with boobies bouncing all over the show, then switching back to slow...etc etc. I check in with you often and ask that you let me know if you want me to slow down (or to go faster!)
- my jokes will make you laugh. Or cringe. Probably both!
Q. What do you think surprises clients when they see you?
Well, I hope there aren't any surprises because I have gone to great lengths to be as transparent as possible on this website, ensuring you are as informed about me as you could possibly be before even meeting me.
I know have a formal style of writing though, and I wonder if that causes me to come across as boring, militant, pussy harder to get into than Fort Knox etc etc.
I'm pretty laid back in person, I promise! AND...I'm extremely well mannered!
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Q. What can I expect upon meeting you?
You can expect me to arrive at your hotel (or your place) immaculately dressed - after all, discretion is important to us both. I'll be wearing long sleeves to hide my tattoo sleeve. If we are meeting at a hotel we'll likely be meeting outside because the lifts are carded. I will greet you and we will go up the lifts to the privacy of your room where the good times will most certainly roll.
If your hotel isn't carded, I'll come up to your room and just loiter outside your door for a while, soaking up the atmosphere and making sure enough people walk past. Dry hump a chair, pillar, whatever's available.
Then, I'll retrieve a Sharpie from my bag and scrawl "Gemma Rose was here, for more info visit gemmarosenz.com" on your hotel room door. Finally, I'll be ready for you, so I'll find a power outlet in the hallway to set up a microphone/amp, and use it to finally announce my arrival to you, via a rap: "knock knock knock I'm here for your cock, open the door or you'll be motherfuckin' blocked!"
Just kidding. If your hotel isn't carded I'll just come up to your room and knock on your door. You'll let me in, and the good times will start from behind that all-important closed door
Q. I'd like to take you out to dinner but I'm worried you'll use foul language
Fret not, conscientious one. I never swear in public places. Also, for your discretion my tattoos will not be on display in public.
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Q. Do we have to have sex during our time together?
Not at all.
Essentially I charge for my time, irrespective of what may/may not happen during that time.
Of course due to the nature of my work it's assumed that sexual activity of some description would be taking place, but it certainly doesn't have to happen if you don't want it to. You'd be surprised by how often I don't have sex in a booking.
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Q. Do you charge an outcall fee?
Travel time + petrol is already built into the rate for bookings with both existing and new clients in Wellington CBD and suburbs.
Please note that I don't travel outside of Wellington. ​
Q. Any tattoos and/or piercings?
​Piercings: I went through an I'M so000O eDgY / I'M jUsT tRyiNg To FiND mYsELf period in my late teens, which involved me wearing a Paul Frank "I love punk" t-shirt with the PF monkey on it, tartan mini skirts adorned with safety pins, and getting my tongue pierced in three different places (piercings all in a line). I'll have you know that spiked dog collar chokers were also involved, one of which was purchased for a whopping $49.95 which was big money for a teenager.
In case all of this isn't lame enough for you, you should also know that I even tried to get into the music of the Sex Pistols, based solely on their amazing graphic designs. Once I actually put on their music though...jeepers...realised it was a bridge too far, and I snapped out of my poser punk phase immediately. Quite possibly the worst music, nay, muzak, I've ever heard in my life.
Re my tongue piercings: I acknowledge the fact that multiple tongue piercings would surely deliver an out-of-this-world sensation to your rock hard cock, and would be a beneficial in terms of client numbers in a cost-of-living-crisis, but alas, the tongue piercings are well closed now - it's been well over a decade!
Ears are pierced with two holes in one and five in the other. I usually put studs in a few times a year to check the holes are still open. But typically I don't wear earrings at all. Just not my thing! In fact the only jewellery I wear is my watch, a silver bear ring, and a couple of locally designed onyx cocktail rings. Onyx is soooo my bitch!
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Tattoos: I've had a couple of shitty tattoos in the past, all on my right arm. One was a crucifix that I started getting laser on in 2014. I only had a few sessions a year because I wasn't working at the time, but once I started hooking as Gemma Rose in 2017 I went for removal sessions regularly. In January 2020 the technician got a new machine and forgot to adjust the settings, leaving me with significant burns that took months to heal. In January 2021 I got the area covered up, but it's fair to say the work didn't meet my expectations. That's putting it super mildly............
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As soon as that tattoo had healed I started getting it lasered. 6 months later and with 4 laser sessions under my belt it was light enough to be covered. I sought out one of New Zealand's best female artists, got a cover up in September 2021, and have been living my best tattooed life ever since. So much so that I went to the same artist to fully ink the rest of my right arm in late 2021.
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I'm happy to show you a picture of my (now covered thank god) abomination in our booking.
Q. I want to know the real you...you seem more interesting than Gemma.
Wtf? If you've spent more than five minutes at my website or met me in person then you already DO know the real me. Gemma IS me, albeit with a different name for privacy/security/stigma reasons.
What you see is what you get - and I've gone to great lengths to try to convey that on my website. I really really appreciate that compartmentalisation can be a thing for some in sex work, and that's a totally valid approach. I did try holding back and trying to be "cool" and "normal" early on my in escorting career, but for me it wasn't sustainable. So much so that I quit. When I came back as Gemma Rose I decided to go for a "what you see is what you get" approach, because for me personally it's 100% easier + more natural just to be myself!
I'm well aware that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, and that's okay.
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Q. Why do you no longer want to see me? I thought we got on so well.
(name removed for privacy), we sure did, until you randomly stuck your finger up my asshole and didn't even apologise after the fact. These days I'm way less reliant on income from hooking, so if you don't treat me like a Queen I simply won't see you again.
Q. You come across as so open! Do you keep anything to yourself?
Of course
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Q. What are your fears?
Homelessness, death of loved ones, being on the receiving end of a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris. The usual.
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Q. What sounds are pleasing to your ear?
​Guitar solo in Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" approx 4:31 in. Pagani Huayra startup and rev. Sounds from the various spool up stages of a RR Trent 900 jet engine. Oh, and the sound of my natural DD tiddies slapping together as I relentlessly ride your (ideally rock hard) D. Chyeaaahhh
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Q. Do you like Indian food?
Yes, but Indian food doesn't like me. No worries though - there's a reason why same day bookings aren't possible, you know wut I'm sayin'? No planned bookings = chicken vindaloo here I come!
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Q. How did you get into The Beatles?
Was wagging school one day and went through my Mum's CD collection. Saw an album called "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", wondered what the heck it was. Had vaguely heard of The Beatles but could only name one member - Ringo Starr - and that was due to his narration of Thomas The Tank Engine, which I had loved as a kid. Listened to the CD and was blown away, and immediately went on a mission to download all their albums off Limewire. No mean feat on a 56k dialup connection. I also made a Yahoo! group for The Beatles, and through it I met other teens around the world who were just as Beatle mad as I was.
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Many years later in 2017 I saw Paul McCartney live in Auckland, and the following year went to Abbey Road in London, and did the Magical Mystery Tour in Liverpool.
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Q. Do you get asked for natural services often?
You know, I actually don't. (Which is great!) Got asked a lot when I first started though.
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Q. What is your favourite cocktail?
Manhattan, Dubonnet + Gin, Tanqueray Fizz, Aperol Spritz, Singapore Sling, and Long Island Iced Tea
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Q. I see you like your Scotch! Favourite region?
Islay through and through
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Q. Favourite whiskey?
Whiskey would probably be Jack Daniels w/ Coke No Sugar. An easy drink with no analysis needed.
I prefer Scotch whisky above anything else though, especially a smoky, peaty Islay single malt.
I went through an amateur whisky connoiseur phase (pre cost-of-living crisis) buying and trying lots of whisky, studying up on whisky, blah blah blah.
Some recommendations:
For a "trapped in a burning car at a gas station by the seaside" kinda vibe, look no further than Laphroaig 10. Big smoke, big peat. Iodine, subtly sweet. (As always, rhyming unintentional). Full bodied, loud, slightly obnoxious, and fairly accessible due to its reasonable price. If I may be so bold as to say it's the Gemma Rose of scotch whiskies!
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If you're into a smoother entry (not referring to my wet pussy in this instance but hey I'll take it), try Ardbeg Uigeadail. Affectionately known as "Oogie" by whisky lovers, Uigeadail is without a doubt the most complex + multi-faceted dram I've experienced thus far in my whisky journey. You have the peat and smoke you'd expect from an Islay, but there's a sweet presence as well, which I find more pronounced than the sweetness of Laphroaig 10.
So yeah, Laphroaig 10 and Ardbeg Uigeadail are my favourite single malts.
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Q. Favourite gin?
I have a soft spot for Bombay Sapphire as it was the first gin I ever tried. Nothing wrong with Gordon's either. My favourite, though, would be The Botanist, from good ol' Islay.
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Q. Gin or whisky? You can only choose one.
Whisky
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Q. Since you're obsessed with The Beatles, I'm guessing you hate Yoko Ono?
I'm not obsessed with The Beatles. They're one of my favourite bands without a doubt, and their music has given me much joy, but I'm not an obsessive fan.
​I don't have any issues with Yoko, as she didn't break up The Beatles. The Beatles broke up The Beatles.
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Q. Your cat tattoo - is it of one of your cats?
Which one? I have owned and loved many over my lifetime. The one on my upper arm? Alas - no. This was a strategically coloured cat - I don't have any all black cats, but being a cover up it was for the best to go dark. It's not a favourite, but there's worse out there. Wish I hadn't gotten the stupid dangly bits under it either, but oh well. Could be worse...trust me, I've been there.
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Maybe you're referring to Weed Kitty? ​Or Falling Cat? Or Sandy and Bear? Many tattoos, many cats.
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Just in case anyone is interested, (humour me please) my tattoo rules: must have some kind of otherworldly element. I love tattoos of animals/creatures with a magical element - whether it be crazy eyes, colours, whatever. I might be pretty pedestrian in my clothing, but once I'm nekkid I'm a motherfuckin' rainbow.
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Q. I see you are outcall only, but I'm not comfortable giving out my address. Can we meet near my house and walk there together?
Yikes. I need to know where I will be located, and I need to know this before the booking is confirmed. No creepiness, no bullshit. Please and thank you
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Q. Is it a problem if my child is sleeping in another room at my house while our booking takes place?
Well yeah it's a problem, fuckin' hell.
(Edit 2024: This question isn't one I've made up myself - it has genuinely been asked several times. Yikes...)
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Q. Is it a problem if I'm married?
No. I'd be out of work if I had a problem seeing married men! Your marital status is of no consequence to me, lol
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Q. I'd like an outcall and I'll be in a hotel. Do I have to tell you my room number before the booking starts?
If the hotel is key-card free and I can simply go straight up to your room, I will need the room number so I know where to go. If we are meeting outside the hotel / in the lobby, I don't need the room number as we'll be going through together.
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Q. If you tested positive for an STI would you let your recent clients know?
That would be an awkward and embarrassing conversation, but yes I would; I'm running a business and have responsibilities to uphold. I get tested every three months.
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Q. Do you play any musical instruments?
Alas, no. I wish I were musical but sadly it wasn't meant to be.
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However - and although no one likes a braggart - when it comes to the air guitar I'm your gal. Just saying...
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Q. Why and how did you get into escorting?
Why: because I needed to pay my credit card
How: I googled "Wellington escort agency" and Paradise was the first result. Called Phiona, went in the next day to have a chat, and a week later, on September 25 2013, I hooked for the first time.
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Q. Can you remember your first ever transactional encounter?
Definitely - a guy known in the industry as "The Candyman", because he would always book the new girl and bring them a box of Cadbury Roses. This was 2013 so Cadbury Roses were still somewhat palatable. He was known to open the box, remove his favourites, and give the remainder to the girl. I was in my mid 20's at the time and he was pushing 80 from the looks - prior to him I'd never had sex with anyone outside of my own age group. Anyway, the booking was fine and the rest as they say is history!
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(....I wonder if he's still around these days? It would be an absolute scream if he was still rocking up at agencies/brothels with his Cadbury Roses, doing his thang. And good on him if he is. I would hope he has upgraded to Whittakers though.)
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Q. Fellow Led Zep fan here. Which are your favourite songs?
All!!!! Not much of an answer, so let me hit you with my top 10 instead
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1. Achilles Last Stand
2. In My Time Of Dying
3. No Quarter
4. Battle of Evermore
5. When The Levee Breaks
6. Kashmir
7. Stairway To Heaven
8. Down By The Seaside
9. In The Evening
10. Trampled Under Foot
Q. Do you enjoy travelling? Where have you been?
Australia countless times, Singapore x2, Malaysia, UAE, USA x2, England x2, Scotland.
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Q. Member of the mile high club?
1) With these hips? I can barely fit into the airplane toilet as it is 2) As an adult, I've only travelled alone.
The most "illicit" thing I've done on a plane is vape. Did it in the toilets on a flight from London to Singapore, and another time I did it in from my seat on a flight from Birmingham to Dubai. (Had the row to myself, stuck my head in my backpack and vaped)
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Q. Do you have a bush?
No
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Q. What's the story behind your hooker name?
Not much of a story at all, and in hindsight I ought to have given it more thought.
Basically I wanted to experience life with a common, borderline tacky, and easily pronounceable name. I also wanted to make a logo. A diamond and a rose, surely? A diamond is a hard substance therefore classed as a gem. Gemma. ​And Rose is a go-to add on hooker name. I don't really like my hooker name but I made a cool logo, and God knows how much I love logos.
Sometimes I add the surname Hawthorne, cuz I be a wh0re with thorns
​(Edit October 2022: I no longer use the surname Hawthorne. It was just a phase, let's never mention it again, yeah?)
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Q. Any future laser tattoo removal plans?
No way. I'm never doing laser again. It's expensive, painful, potential of getting burned by incompetent technicians (the laser tattoo removal industry is unregulated outside of Auckland), and a very high likelihood of scars. Every single tattoo I've had lasered, has scarred. Even "successful" laser leaves you with a ghost tattoo - on my back you can see a faint spider, as well as a ghost outline of the Led Zeppelin icarus. Laser sucks.
Q. Would you ever get your knuckle scars tattooed over?
Nah probably not. A good reminder that if I hadn't have been wearing a helmet, I'd likely be deadskies.
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Q. What colour IS your hair? In some photos it looks almost blonde?
Really? It does look lighter in some of my pics...I'm thinking it's because my hair is so thin (thanks, lupus) it's just the light shining through? It's naturally dark brown w/ reddish bits. No doubt I'll be busting out the hair dye when I start going grey, but I'm (surprisingly) not at that stage yet. Weirdly in the past year I've developed a WHITE eyebrow hair - not grey, but white. I call it my Cost of Living Crisis Eyebrow.
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Q. Do you give second chances to new clients wanting to book?
Depends on what they did.
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Q. I want an outcall but I'm worried about my neighbours seeing your car parked outside my house...
So most of the time I take public transport to bookings, and I arrive on foot. In rare cases when I'm dropped off, I get dropped off around the corner from where your house is, and I get picked up around the corner too. There will never be a car outside your house. Also, don't worry about any clip-clop high heeled bullshit - my heart belongs to Adidas terrace sneakers...
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Q. What is your age range of clients?
There are outliers on either side, but primarily early 30's through mid 50's. I'm happy to see anyone aged 18 and over
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Q. Have you ever been in a car with a client?
Lots of times. Some have offered to pick me up (from a location away from my house) and/or drop me off. Eg one time a guy in Porirua picked me up, went back to his house, and he dropped me off again afterwards in Wellington CBD. Getting to Porirua would've been a hassle for me otherwise.
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Q. How come you don't offer titty fucking anymore?
My apologies - for some reason I forgot to include this in my list of activities when I re-wrote my website a
while ago. I've re-included it now. Looooove tittyfucking, especially when it ends with a pearl necklace!
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Q. Do you mainly see regulars or new clients?
Most of my business is repeat clientele. I've been around as Gemma Rose for nearly 10 years now, and I still see some OG regs + repeats from the 2017 days, and obviously others who came through in the years that followed. Being re-booked is the ultimate compliment!
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Q. Do you have a Gemma playlist?
When I hosted incalls at Ghuznee Street I certainly had a playlist - it was through Spotify though which I
no longer have, so I can't remember the full contents, but I remember my starting song was "Fluorescent" by Pet Shop Boys, and the last song was "Echoes" by Pink Floyd. David Bowie, Steely Dan, Miss Kittin, Led Zeppelin, Cream, and The Doors also featured.
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Q. Do you accept mature clients 70+?
Yes, although it seems mature clients 70+ don't accept me! Haha. I can count the amount of 70+ clients I've seen, in my 9+ years as an independent escort on one hand.
I'm a colourfully tattooed, 30+, outcall only escort. It goes without saying that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, regardless of their age (to be fair)
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Q. Dumbest thing you've done lately?
January 2022, I was walking downhill on a dark bush track, wearing sunglasses. (Sigh)
I opened up Pokemon Go, saw a shiny Treeko and tried to catch and walk at the same time. I stumbled whilst trying to catch the Treeko and fell down into a gully. Managed to get myself back up and onto the track again, with just a scrape on my knee.
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It gets worse.
I got home and soaked a circular cotton makeup pad in Dettol liquid, which I then applied to my knee. I then decided to tape the soaked pad to my knee using K-tape. I then went for a nap.
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I woke up a few hours later in excruciating pain - the pad had caused a chemical burn on my knee because I had forgotten to dilute the liquid Dettol. So, ever since, I've had a goddamn circle on my knee. It was red at first then faded, leaving behind a brown ring, which was super unfortunate. It looked like an areola, all I needed was a nipple and I'd have a boob on my knee. Thankfully the brown ring has faded now.
Clients fuckin' love it when I tell The Circle Story (capitalisation deserved due to the sheer dumbassery involved) in person so I've been more than happy to share it with you online folks.
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Update 17/9/2024: The Circle was partially covered up by a tattoo in 2023
Update 24/05/2025: The Circle was completely covered up by a peony on my knee in 2025. Peo-knee? Get it? See what I did? Pick me, pick me!
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Q. Do you ever tour to the UK?
​Nah mate
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Q. Most interesting job you've had besides hooking?
​Probably the job I had at a prison (was not a prisoner), digitising prisoner files. Voicing the IVR menu on a couple of 0800 lines for various businesses. YouTube. Research roles.
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Q. Would you ever turn up to a booking sick?
No! Of course not! I mean, I am permanently sick, I guess, sick in the headdddd!!!!! Insane in the membrain! Nah, jokes. (Nah for reals...nah jokes...repeat ad infinitum)
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I have an autoimmune disease called lupus, but it isn't contagious. Got a lifelong chronic eye condition too called meibomian gland dysfunction (non contagious) as per September 2025.
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Q. How did you plan your sleeve?
​I didn't. (!!)
I had the Led Zeppelin logo lasered off and covered with a cat.
Then I went to another artist and got weed kitty on my thigh. I liked her work and noticed she had some cool flash, so I got the mouse on my arm, then the lunar moth. I was also in the process of lasering off a really shitty forearm coverup. This was eventually light enough to be covered but the artist who did weed kitty / mouse / moth wasn't confident in cover ups, so I found another artist who did an absolutely amazing job. At this stage I pretty much had an accidental sleeve going on but I wanted it to look more cohesive, rather than a sticker sleeve, so I got the crystals, peonies and kawakawa along with neon green and pink swirly bits to fill in the gaps. I do love my neon.
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Q. Do you still play Pokemon Go?
I'm definitely not as dedicated as I once was, it kinda fell off when I reached level 50. I usually log in once
a day and do my 5 Battle League sets, but that's about it.
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Edit December 2025: In October of this year Level 80 was introduced, so I'm back on my Pokemon Go bullshit, speedrunning to 80. I'm currently level 75.
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Q. Can you wear a puffer jacket to the booking?
​Sir, I would fuckin' love to. But, alas! I currently do not own a puffer jacket :(
In April 2023 I was in a bad cycling accident and I was wearing my puffer at the time, it got ripped up pretty badly so I binned it. However I do have a quilted Barbour polarquilt jacket, which is quite smart. From
one puffer connoisseur to another (if I may be so bold as to assume?) I absolutely acknowledge that
the quilted style is very different from that of a puffer. Like I said, it's quite smart looking so I do wear it
to outcalls if the weather calls for it.
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Q. I want to book you for an outcall to my place, but my neighbours are serial curtain-twitchers and the clip clop of your high heels will alert them for sure. Can you please not wear high heels when you come to see me?
​Mate, I already fuckin' told you, I'll be in sneakers dammit!
Alternative answer: I understand completely, and am therefore delighted to confess that I have never worn high heels to an outcall booking...ever! I'm very much an Adidas terrace sneakers kind of gal. My pair of Superstars is what I usually rock in outcalls but depending on what I'm wearing you might find me in Spezials, Campus, or Gazelle Indoors. It's all about comfort, and let's be real...my feet are busted up enough as they are.
A heartfelt plea from me to you: Please never look at my feet.
​PS - If there's some sort of fetish or whatever to do with high heels, and you'd like me to wear some, I do have a pair. Just ask and I will bring them (in a bag)
Q. Will you ever offer incalls again?
​Never gonna happen bro​
Q. What's with the Nippy's Iced Honeycomb?
​I went through a phase of devouring this blessed nectar twice - thrice weekly, but ultimately decided to just enjoy it as a special indulgence. Noticed I started to get fa....I mean, I realised that weight gain was inevitable and I really dislike clothes shopping for new clothes, so...
​2025 update: BREAKING NEWS: I no longer even consume dairy milk drinks, as I'm now lactose intolerant.
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Q. Do you see yourself escorting years into the future?
No. All good things must come to an end, when the time is right.
Q. Re dinner dates - what are your dietary preferences? I want to take you somewhere where you'll enjoy the food.
I do have dietary preferences but restaurant menus are so varied these days, catering to all kinds of preferences. Never had a problem picking something to eat at any restaurant, ever.
I'm not a vegetarian or vegan, but apart from fish I don't really like meat very much. (Chicken is okay.)
I usually pick meatless options on the menu. If there's no meatless option I'll happily go for something containing chicken or fish.
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I also don't have much of a sweet tooth, so I'll be skipping dessert, although you're more than welcome to partake!
(Gosh, what a dream dinner date I am: picking the cheap meatfree option on the menu, skipping dessert....you should probably book!)
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Q. What is your favourite Beatles song?
All!!!!! (Apart from Mr. Moonlight)
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Q. Favourite food and drink?
Food: Fish, potatoes, macaroni cheese, halloumi, spinach and feta anything, Mexican anything, sushi, anything with vegetables, anything with tofu
Drink: Tea. I drink around 5 cups a day. Coke/Sprite zero, anything with no sugar. Iced matcha with oat milk. Whiskey, whisky, beer, bourbon
Q. Do you provide music at all? Or is it up to the client? What music do you want to hear?
You bet! I have a portable bluetooth speaker I can bring upon request.
I'm not fussed with background music though, whatever you like really. Music or no music, there's never gonna be a dull moment.
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Although (and please forgive my candor) I appreciate the guitarmanship of Mark Knopfler as much as the next person, if I hear Sultans Of Swing one more time I will be hurling myself out the nearest window. And if you're in a hotel, I appreciate the window probably won't open for safety reasons, so I'll hurl myself against it in vain a couple of times before crawling into the corner and rocking back and forth in a trance-like state.
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Look I know a few of you probably feel very seen right now, and I mean no disrespect, just that it's a song I hear quite often is all, nothing wrong with changing it up every now and again!
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Q. Got kids?
No, do you?
I'm childfree by choice, have never felt inclined/compelled/rich enough to have kids
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Q. Are you a native Wellingtonian?
I'm originally from a rural area in the mighty Manawatu, by way of Glasgow Scotland
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​Q. Are you into Shakespeare? I have a hunch that you are!
Although I did spend a few days in Stratford-upon-Avon in 2018, I just can't vibe with the bard.​ If you're into that kind of carry-on, why not check out the wholly underrated Christopher Marlowe - poor bugger didn't even get a look in :(
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